Random beloved poem

I had a very deep heart to heart talk with my sister London on the night before we celebrated our mother's birthday. This doesn't happen very often, London is a very happy go lucky lady and will look for the good to focus on and the bad to forgive and forget, I on the other hand am very quick to weep for myself and others. I don't know why we are on the complete ends of the spectrum with our personalities, surprisingly, it helps me love her all the more. She is lovely.

She told me that she didn't understand why I have to go and see my Mom's grave site so often. My reason was quick and simple. I replied that I feel comforted when I go. I cry, I pray, I remember, I breathe, and I am given a time to think. She then asked me if I knew that her spirit wasn't there. I replied on how that is the biggest comfort out there. When I go there, it is confirmed that I know that she is not there. I know that she is working with those that have passed on and is teaching them the Plan of Happiness. I have such a strong testimony of Heavenly Father and his love for all of us. I know that his work is not only in this life. I know that families can be reunited and live together forever. I know that I will see my beautiful Mom again. I miss her with all of my heart and I am so proud that I am my Mother's daughter. I'm happy that I see her in my reflection. I love hearing her in my laugh. I laugh that I have her hands and feet. I'm blessed that I have her forever.

November 12, my Sister's and I went to Cracker Barrel and we celebrated my Mom's birthday. Lera and London are the best sisters anyone could be blessed to have. I love them dearly. I'm so grateful that I have them to lean on.

I read a poem that I really liked. It was written by the very talented Mary E. Frye.

(do not stand at my grave and weep)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

Simpsonized Me

This is me as a Simpsons character. "Oh loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix." -Comic Book Guy



Go to www.simpsonizeme.com to make a Simpson version of yourself.

6 quirks

My friend Lisa, had this blog on her page and I thought this would be interesting to be tagged on. I sadly do have a lot of quirks. Finding 6 really won't be that big of a deal. I'm just hoping that I won't be judged. A person like me, who is very flawed, should not have this many quirks. But that my friends, is one of my flaws. So take this challenge and list 6 of your quirks. And let me know so I can read about them and gain new ones of my own. bah.

1. I am a compulsive hand washer. Clean hands are very important to me. They touch my face, they touch food, and they touch everything else in between. You don't start to cook until you wash your hands. You don't leave the bathroom until you wash your hands. If you apply make up, yes, you wash your hands. It's a courtesy to others and to yourself.

2. In any relationship I feel that the man should open a door. The man should never wait for a women to hold it for them. If a women doesn't like men to open doors for them than they can kindly hold the door for themselves and then walk through.

3. I'm not very superstitious. But when you drive over a railroad you better be touching some metal. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

4. Country music makes me vomit. End of quirk #4.

5. I am a shoe freak!! My quirk is that I have a very hard time throwing them away!! With size 11-12 shoes, if I find good heels, you bet I'm keeping them forever!!

6. I'm a compulsive bone cracker!!! Knuckles, back, neck, hip, wrist, ankle, toes, knees, shoulders... If it bends, I crack it. It really annoys me when people look at me like I'm disgusting when I do it. I especially hate the "you're going to get arthritis" statement. So far, I'm the only one in my family that doesn't have it. Medically, the only harm that cracking does is leave your joins swollen or sore. Which I've never had a problem with. But even if I did, that is something I can handle for a delicious moment of gravity defying tiny massage crackles on my bones.

Twilight Movie Trailer!!!!!

I am a tard. I can't get this to download. So check this out and go and watch the new twilight trailer. holla.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4juzgYASfpE&eurl=http://musicistheheartofoursourl.blogspot.com/

Combination Skin

I've read that if you want to know what type of skin you have you should wash your face and look in the mirror at the results. Where is your skin tight? Where is your skin smooth? Where is your skin Blotchy? Where is it dry?

I try this test and excitedly await the results........Yikes!!! I am instantly appalled and violently confused on why I don't see is the beautiful-surreal-dewy-skin-of-Goddess, which is what the magazine gives us on what we should see;

Looking in my mirror after I wash my face I see a blotchy messy mix of Greek and English skin. A kaleidoscope of blood rose streaks, ghost white patches, and pink temporary oil hickeys. Is my mirror broken? Is my face Broken?? For goodness sakes, I am not 14 anymore, I'm 24 and should not be having these issues.

Apparently combination skin is the most common skin type. My skin has skin characteristics from both dry and oily skin. It tends toward dryness on the cheeks and makes my skin look dehydrated while being oily on the t-zone. (thus explaining why foundation is so hard for me to find!!)

What I don't understand is; if this is the most common, then why is it not shown in magazines or on makeup models and is just talked about.

Please let me know if you also have tricky skin!! They say that this is common, and yet, I'm feeling pretty alone with my blotchy skin. Do you guys have any tips for a more smooth looking/feeling face?

"suggestion" box

My work office is place of policy. We know the rules. We are given new rules. We are notified of past rules that have changed. We have rules that don't apply any more. Rules and Policies are what we are about.

For our sanity we are given a suggestion box in the lobby. We can fill out the little survey given to us to help us understand why there is a rule in place or to just get a complaint off our chest and feel like we have been heard. Sometimes it feels like our suggestion box really just should be a trash can with a piece of paper labeled "suggestions" on it.

We don't always feel like our complaints really go any where beyond our office, but it's nice knowing that our management still takes the time to hear us out and can give us more info on why we have the policies we do. I work with some really awesome people. They make our office such a great place to work.

One Monday morning I come into work dreading the worst and my email inbox has a reply to a suggestion that was submitted by someone on my team. This is awesome. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did;

SUGGESTION: THE WAY IT IS NOW: E Mail.
THE WAY IT COULD BE: We need a system of vacuum tubes that go to each desk in the call center.
HOW WOULD THIS BENEFIT THE COMPANY/EMPLOYEES: We could send messages to each other and it would be more fun than email and we would get to hear that “whooshing” noise!
SUGGESTED ACTIONS TO MAKE THIS POSSIBLE: A single cash out pay of approximately $600,000 by our business President to add a little excitement to the day!


COMMENTS: As always we enjoy and welcome your suggestions. Once we escalated this we were advised that it was cost prohibitive especially in these economic times. We were though, given an alternative! Everyone next time you eat soup, please wash your cans and bring one in. We will provide the string to put between these cans!

Thanks, Your Leadership Team!!

Mr. Right?!?!

Shea and I were watching one of our favorite movies last night, Practical Magic. She is Sally. I am Gilly. If you've seen the movie, you would know that Gilly "has the worst taste in men" as Sally frankly states as they are rolling the twice corpse'd body of the sexy Bulgarian/vampire/ cowboy, Jimmy, into a freshly dug grave. Whilst I watch the mystical rain soak into his beautiful hair, Shea looks at me and says, "You really do have the worst taste in men".

This morning at work I was speaking to a friend about our roles in relationships. I was saying how normally I drive, I want a great career, and I decide how I normally put everything I have into a relationship. He than asked me what the roles the men in my life are like. After snorting down a laugh about quote on quote "MEN in my life" it hit me that they don't match anything that I want in myself. They don't have money. They don't have Careers. They don't own a car, let alone a dream. They normally, have no interest in relationships. And alas, I still want them. "Huh!!" I said, as the thought of why I like 'these men' hit me right between the eyes. Why have I NEVER noticed this before.

Is it because I don't care? Is it because even though they aren't what I really want, they are still good guys? Is it because I'm so blind I don't really look at who they are but the potential that is there? I must be crazy.

Even though I think almost every guy I meet is attractive in some way or another, I still don't fall for people easily. But when I do, it's hard. I could only think of a few Men that I have given my time and attention to. Here is a list of my "Mr. Rights";

Mr. "Only friends". This one was the guy that I had given so much time, effort, and resources on. As desperately sad as this may sound, I was chasing him. He was my first young crush. I was his friend. We were best friends for a long time. He was a great person. Lively, artistic, funny, charming, attractive, and welcoming to everyone. His family was even more inviting and delicious. I loved them. I still miss his family even now. I felt apart of his family. I felt like I fit in, which was a really hard thing to do when you are a almost bald, Gothic, and a depressed teenager. I loved him as a best friend and I fell for him. I fell hard. He kept picking me up saying "I love you, as a friend". And that was enough. We were friends. Best friends. And then we weren't. I harbored harsh feelings for a long time. It broke my heart that I was bitter at the loss of our friendship and he was happy. I've gotten over this a long time ago and I wish him the best in life.

Mr. Homeless. I met this one in Jr. High. He was the funniest guy I've ever meet!! Even now, he is really hard to top. He wasn't my type, physically. Light brown hair, blue eyes, and extremely clean cut. He was as metro as a guy can get. I was still very attracted to him. He was the nicest guy I've ever meet. He was also homeless. A secret only I and two other people in our school knew about. He got pretty popular. Even in his circumstances he didn't get himself into trouble. He wasn't into anything except drama class. (which I hated.) But we were friends even with our differences. During high school we lost touch. I still miss him.

Mr. dead beat punk. This one was mean. He was abusive. He smelled. I swear he never showered. He didn't have a job. He had me pierce his face with a saftey pin. (why oh why would I do that!!?) He liked my friend. Correction, he liked my friends. He was in trouble with the law all of the time. He literally peed on my house because he was drunk. Did I see that this might be a guy not to like?? No. I saw the punk legend. I saw what he could have been.

Mr. Married. I met this one my first semester of college. He was sweet, he was smart, he was funny, and he was pysically everything that I go for. Dark red brown hair. Brown Eyes. Wide smile with straight teeth. I wore heels and he was still taller than me. He kept his arm around me as he walked me to my next class. He took me out to lunch frequently. He even wore a brown leather jacket. We liked the same music, movies and books. 30 minutes before our group project for our final assignment in Business devolpment class, he was rubbing my hand while we were going over our parts in the presentation. A beautiful skinny blonde came strolling in the class room. I didn't notice her until he jumped back from me. The hand touching stopped. Lots of looks between me and him happened as she sat in his lap and kissed his hansome face. She was wearing a wedding ring. He did not. Now I know why. We had a few classes to go for the semester. I started going to the lectures on the opposite days. He called and emailed a few times but I wouldn't answer. I still wonder if I should have dragged his cheating self to light when his wife was sitting there between us.

Now I don't have a lot of relationship experience, but I really feel that even the wrong ones can teach you many things about your future right one(s). The important thing is that we learn. I am using this epiphany as a stepping stone. The memories of guys in my past have made me realize what I want and what I don't. And right now, I feel like I have pretty good taste in men.