Yesterday, March 31, was the two year mark of my Mother's passing. This week has been really hard for me. No, the last two years have been hard on me. I seem to be the one who breaks down the most in my family. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that some are moving on, even though that is healthy. I am so grateful for my sisters. I'm grateful for London always asking me how I'm doing. She is always doing the nicest things for me. Mothering me. I'm grateful for Lera. She really is so understanding. She always invites me over. She makes sure that I have everything I need. They both let me be apart of their families. They are the best sisters any one can ask for.
I wish I could be more like both of them. More like my Mother. Being able to laugh easily. Being generally happy and sweet. Unlike them I have always been so accepting of sadness. Sometimes I think my soul was made to weep. I think I was made to weep with others. I know that my Mom did that for me. And I miss so many things that feel like I wont have again.
I miss being able to call my Mom to tell her I'm lonely.
I miss kissing her on the cheek every time I came over and every time I left.
I miss talking with her about my day at work.
I miss being able to sit with someone when the power went out.
I miss feeling guilt to play scrabble with her at 2 AM.
I miss having someone to cook for.
I miss refilling her ice water for the 40th time that day.
I miss watching beautiful men on TV and hearing her funny comments.
I miss watching her move her glasses above her eyes to wipe her tears at church.
I miss helping her run errands.
I miss helping her put her socks on. And on again.
I miss hearing her laugh, especially how she could laugh at me.
I miss feeling like I have parents that I'm close to.
I miss feeling a part of a family, instead of a sisterhood of 3.
I miss her so much.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Cinderella...almost
This Sunday I went to my friends church. I've never been there before but I heard it was one of the biggest University wards so I wanted to test it out.
I was walking down the hallway headed to the Chapel and there was a very large group of men in front of on of the the doorways, of course this is the route that I took. Avoiding the men in the pastel "Easter egg" ties I start to gently pass by the most handsome men with their dark, bold, and/or manly ties. And what should a girl do when she is surrounded by a group of good looking princes in suits??
Loose a shoe.
I put my foot back into the shoe and took a step. I shouldn't have because when I did the shoe stayed where it was and I almost feel flat on my face.
It was stuck in a hole made for the door to lock into. I pulled my shoe out of the ground with a small popping noise and was surprised to see another person's hand touching the shoe too.
"Well hello Cinderella" he said with a charming smile. And then he saw me.
He looked from my fishnet legs up my black skirt, black top, and the black and white striped scarf tied around my neck.
"Umm, Cinderella who wears only black." He said confused.
He started to summarize my outfit and his voice started slowing down to where I almost couldn't understand what he was saying.
"Black shoes... black...dress...Black.......scarf...Black...makeup." (I'm guessing he was talking about my eyeliner because everything else was some shade of natural pink.)
He continued, "And...Black...shoe...."
I took the shoe out of his hand before he started commenting on my jewelry. I gave a confused courtesy laugh and waited for him to finish his never ending sentence but his face turned beet Red and he left quickly. I stood there holding my heel.
It could have been the beginning of my magical fairy tale, but it wasn't.
I was walking down the hallway headed to the Chapel and there was a very large group of men in front of on of the the doorways, of course this is the route that I took. Avoiding the men in the pastel "Easter egg" ties I start to gently pass by the most handsome men with their dark, bold, and/or manly ties. And what should a girl do when she is surrounded by a group of good looking princes in suits??
Loose a shoe.
I put my foot back into the shoe and took a step. I shouldn't have because when I did the shoe stayed where it was and I almost feel flat on my face.
It was stuck in a hole made for the door to lock into. I pulled my shoe out of the ground with a small popping noise and was surprised to see another person's hand touching the shoe too.
"Well hello Cinderella" he said with a charming smile. And then he saw me.
He looked from my fishnet legs up my black skirt, black top, and the black and white striped scarf tied around my neck.
"Umm, Cinderella who wears only black." He said confused.
He started to summarize my outfit and his voice started slowing down to where I almost couldn't understand what he was saying.
"Black shoes... black...dress...Black.......scarf...Black...makeup." (I'm guessing he was talking about my eyeliner because everything else was some shade of natural pink.)
He continued, "And...Black...shoe...."
I took the shoe out of his hand before he started commenting on my jewelry. I gave a confused courtesy laugh and waited for him to finish his never ending sentence but his face turned beet Red and he left quickly. I stood there holding my heel.
It could have been the beginning of my magical fairy tale, but it wasn't.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Random beloved poem
I know that many of us have heard this, many times over. But I never get sick of this sonnet. It is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard on love. It is from Shakespeare's Love Sonnet 116:
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom
Monday, March 16, 2009
Ten Things I've learned this Week
Ten Things I've learned this Week
This was not a blog and tag post. But I saw this one on my sister Lera's blog and I really wanted to do it. Please feel free to be tagged if you read this.
1. Peeing your pants is very embarrassing, but still crucial.
2. Being a geek is the best thing about me
3. It's OK to fall asleep on top of the clean laundry that is mounded on your bed. It's quite comfy really.
4. That hearing friends state that I should be a writer is a sign to get my butt in gear.
5. Spiders are totally creepy. Dead and detached spider legs are equally creepy.
6. My sisters love me.
7. I'm addicted to Alias re-runs
8. I think I'm allergic to cats... (Is it possible to get new allergies when you get older???)
9. I have the coolest and most eclectic friends on the planet.
10.Hugh Jackman is so Hot it makes me cry. (Please watch Australia!!!!)
This was not a blog and tag post. But I saw this one on my sister Lera's blog and I really wanted to do it. Please feel free to be tagged if you read this.
1. Peeing your pants is very embarrassing, but still crucial.
2. Being a geek is the best thing about me
3. It's OK to fall asleep on top of the clean laundry that is mounded on your bed. It's quite comfy really.
4. That hearing friends state that I should be a writer is a sign to get my butt in gear.
5. Spiders are totally creepy. Dead and detached spider legs are equally creepy.
6. My sisters love me.
7. I'm addicted to Alias re-runs
8. I think I'm allergic to cats... (Is it possible to get new allergies when you get older???)
9. I have the coolest and most eclectic friends on the planet.
10.Hugh Jackman is so Hot it makes me cry. (Please watch Australia!!!!)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
POST SECRET
Over the last month I've run into something that I have never heard of before.
Post secret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard to the address above. The art on some of these postcards are insane. Some of the secrets are loving, funny, sweet, sad, and/or horrible. Frank Warren started this project as an assignment in 2005 and it is still going strong. He has published a couple books which a good friend of mine brought to work for me to borrow. I was addicted from the first page. I cried in each book. I've laughed. I thought some where shocking and disturbing. I related to some. And I was thinking of the post card that I would be sending in. I absolutely love this project. There have been the books, art shows, blogs, and a fan site where people can write how sending in their secret has helped them in their lives.
I've attached some that I thought were interesting...but you should check the books out. They range from people stating that they faked their way through medical school to odd fears to a memoir of a past love.
Post secret is an ongoing community mail art project, created by Frank Warren, in which people mail their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard to the address above. The art on some of these postcards are insane. Some of the secrets are loving, funny, sweet, sad, and/or horrible. Frank Warren started this project as an assignment in 2005 and it is still going strong. He has published a couple books which a good friend of mine brought to work for me to borrow. I was addicted from the first page. I cried in each book. I've laughed. I thought some where shocking and disturbing. I related to some. And I was thinking of the post card that I would be sending in. I absolutely love this project. There have been the books, art shows, blogs, and a fan site where people can write how sending in their secret has helped them in their lives.
I've attached some that I thought were interesting...but you should check the books out. They range from people stating that they faked their way through medical school to odd fears to a memoir of a past love.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
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