Ugh!! My aching lumber spine!

(This is not a scan of my MRI, but it is a great image of a herniated disc so I thought I'd post it. Thank you google image.)

In the close of November 2010 my lower back started to hurt immensely. There was no trauma that brought on the pain so I didn’t think much about it until it started affecting my right leg. One Sunday I was headed to church with a lot of pain in my right hip. I left my house limping and took a step off the porch, my leg crumbled beneath me. I thought that I must have missed the step because that has never happened to me before. I took the second step down and I was left again on the ground from a leg that had no strength to support me. I still tried to go to church. I hobbled into the chapel and sat down on the closest chair to the door. My hip was hurting so bad that I knew I had to go to the insta-care.

I had a few x-rays taken of my hip and a few reflex tests done. I had no strength in my right leg when I bended it and zero extension strength. The doctor said that I had tendentious in my hip and sent me home with a bottle of ibuprofen. I made a doctor’s appointment with my PCP the next day. He said that he wanted to watch it for a while to see what was wrong, thinking that it was most likely a back injury, knowing it had nothing to do with tendentious. I went home and basically stayed off my leg as much as possible. I could barely move it and I fell a lot around the house. I felt very embarrassed and ashamed to ask my roommates for help in simple tasks like cooking dinner, laundry, and lifting things that I needed help with cleaning.

I had no answers and it seemed as though everywhere I went people needed to know every detail of my trauma and what I was doing about it. That was a very stressful part of going through this for me. I had no answers to give and everyone had an opinion about what I should be doing or what my diagnosis was.

About a month and a half later, I was back to normal. I had a steroid shot from my PCP and a couple of days after that I felt fine. My leg was getting a lot stronger and I was almost back to full recovery. I thanked the miracle shot in my prayers for healing me. I was able to go on a trip to San Diego that I had been planning for a few months and I got around just fine.

The beginning of February it hit again except this time I had no pain in my hip or back. All I had was numbness and weakness in my right leg. If I bend my knee at all I have no control over the muscles in my leg and I fall. Any change in the ground that may bend my leg slightly is a booby trap, every stair must be taken one at a time with my left leg going up, or my right leg going down, every turn I make I normally pivot very slowly or I hold onto a wall, and I started to realized that I needed assistance in walking in order for me to work or do the normal tasks I was used to being independent with. My Dad and his wife Betty bought me a cane and it’s been my constant frienemy since. I hate it and yet I am desperate for it’s support.

During the beginning of the second go-a-round with the weakness, I chose to move to a new apartment complex with my roommates. We didn’t feel as though our current abode was safe for us anymore. I was thoroughly mortified with every box that I had to ask for help to pack, tape, and move into another room. I felt pathetic and useless that I couldn’t help the great friends that helped us move into our new place. I was heart broken that I wasn’t getting better and I was missing out on so many things I used to help with or feel apart of. Through all of this I have had angel friends that have been so patient with me and stood beside me when I had to lean on them.

Annie has been almost saintly in her kindness towards me, not just in the trials in my life, but also the blessings. Every day without falter she helps me, waits for me, and escorts me in whatever is in need or want. Not just in the physical way, but the emotional, the mental, and most important, the spiritual. She has sat by me in waiting rooms, walked me through paperwork, kept the influences that brought my spirits down out of my life, and made sure that I knew I was a strong and important even when I felt as though I had solid proof that I wasn’t. When friends I loved bailed on me emotionally, Annie was true. When loved ones were not close to help me, Annie was there to lean on. When I was too emotional to get a grip, Annie listened to me and helped me feel calm again. When there was no light at the end of the tunnel, she shined like the sun leading me in progression. She always made sure I was moving forward. She saw that I had the right knowledge and doctors to aid me. She forgives me when I am impatient, distempered or angry and she helps me change for the better. She has been the strongest tangible yolk through all of my fears. I just can't thank her enough or give credit to where I would fell as though we were even. I love her, very much, and I couldn't have gotten through this as I have with out her.

The info:
I had a MRI which gave me the answers that I needed to go forward in treatment. I have 5 herniated discs, 2 budging discs, sciatica and Degenerative Disc Disease. I have the most damage to nerves in my lumber spine that affect my right leg extension. I have basically lost all strength in that area. If I am sitting I cannot raise my right leg whether it is bent or straight. I also can’t push it forward whether I am sitting or standing. My dorsal movement is fine which allows me to move my ankle and foot as if nothing was wrong and have all of that strength that is needed to push off it when walking, lock it when taking stairs, and the mobility of driving. If I bend my leg while standing I loose all strength. My leg feels numb and asleep from my right hip, curving into my inner thigh, my knee and inner calf.

Right now I am meeting with a Neurosurgeon at the U of U Neuroscience department. He has a two foot wiry grey pony-tail and eyebrows that are wildly out of control. He wears v-neck scrubs that show a chaotic chest hair collection and he doesn’t wear socks…and for some reason I love him. He is kind, goofy, and quirky and I feel comfortable with him, which is a lovely change from my other doctors. I will be having a EMG soon and I’m nervous about the pain, but I’m hopeful for it to lead me to a better relief in the long run.

The worst part of all of the medical procedures for me was the MRI; I’m claustrophobic and very jumpy when it comes to loud noises. I was terrified, but I got through it and I hope I won’t have to do it again. The best part was going to an office I trusted Summit Pain Management, where Annie works, and meet the people that she works with and that is where I had a spinal evaluation. The most embarrassing part has been the fact that I had to pee in a cup for a guy I call “Annie’s hottest friend” because he was the UN at Summit. The most hated is the cane that I carry. The most frustrating is the insurance and paperwork circus rings that I have to jump through. The most tiring was the 2 ½ months of physical therapy, 3-4 times a week, which I had to condition through for insurance purposes with no physical result from the hard work. The most painful part was the spinal injection. The most humiliating is the slow pace of walking, taking stairs, getting up and down, dressing, and cleaning. The most hurtful are the curious or mocking eyes that follow me in public. The most self-defeating are the times when I don’t lock my knee properly and I fall…over..and over again. The most tearful are the moments I realize that someone I love, and wanted to be there for me, doesn’t care about me. The most surprising is the fact that I keep trying to make my life better. The most reassuring is the support that I have from a wonderful family. The most encouraging is the constant love from a handful of loyal and wonderful friends. The most relief comes from the sincere prayer after a long and tearful day. The most empowered moments come from all of the gentle reminders, visits, texts, gifts, face book comments, movie nights, letters, love, hugs, girl’s nights, dinner dates, and unwavering support that I get from dear ones that help me realize that I’m not alone in this.

I’m sorry if this was long-winded, but it’s been a very long road for me to endure. It’s not over yet and I pray that the support from family, friends, work, and doctors is with me until the end.