New additions

The fall season is near and besides the promise of beautiful scenery, comfortable clothes, and awesome sleepy nights when my room is actually cool from the night air, it also has brought some unexpected additions to my life. I have invested in some lovely toys, luxuries, and gadgets that are making my life more comfortable and enjoyable.

I bought a bed. Hallelujah!!! It's a queen-sized comfortable bit of a heavenly cloud that I float upon every night (and sometimes during a daytime nap) into a beautiful, rest-easy, peaceful sleep.

My bed has become the new hangout spot in my apartment. We have recently gotten rid of a television that took up way too much room in our small living room and wasted hours upon hours of needed time to do something else that may actually help me progress in life. It seems that we now waste hours in my bedroom; talking, watching movies, or listening to music on my awesome bed.

Speaking of music...I finally started using iTunes. I cannot believe how long it took me to find a true romance with that exquisite piece of technology. ITunes has become my new obsession…and money pit.

I got a new desktop and desk at a very reasonable price from the ever-monopolizing Wal-Mart. I have a secret, I love Wal-Mart! I know that I’m supposed to hate it, but I can’t, not when it brings so many great toys into my life at prices that I can actually afford…or excuse. With the luxury of owning a desktop my writing has already taken flight and I have started printing chapters of my novel to be edited and reviewed.

My book is something that I want to share with the whole world through publishing so it seems so odd to me how protective I am of my little chapters that are being viewed for the first time. I love them. They are very personal to me. I’m worried that they will not be received well. Either way, It’s the next step and I’m moving forward.

Opposition has also reared its ugly head in the changes of the season.

Two weeks ago I found out that there was nothing that can be offered to me medically and that I need to wait another year to see if my nerve damage will repair itself. Surgery is not an option. Waiting is mandatory and not even a guarantee. I have been having a rollercoaster of emotions about this. The 5 stages of grief have been very prominent in my life since that day at my neurosurgeon’s lab #12, when I sat on a crinkly paper-covered medical bed and sobbed while my angel roommate asked all of the questions that were running through my mind, but I couldn’t choke out. My emotions have been so out of control with this and I have found myself questioning many things in my life. My faith has been wavering in the quality of my future, with normalcies, with dating, with someone being able to love me, with marriage, with children…I have been hanging on though because I know that eternal blessings won’t be held from me because I have a lame leg.

I lost 6 complete chapters to my novel. Amongst finding this out I had many un-ladylike words that flowed out of my mouth and many unneeded tears that came from an angry and exhausted mind. That was a low blow.

The changing of the season has also brought some loneliness. I have missed some friends in my life that have very obviously moved on. I pray that I can move on soon. This part has been the hardest pill for me to swallow. It’s so hard for me to see that someone else’s caring doesn’t reflect my failures or successes.

With the scales equally level holding good and bad changes, I have found that life goes on. My book is flourishing and growing into a strong work of art. My bed has comforted me after a long day of tears and also supported me after a night of laughter and adventure. Music…music, I cannot express my love for the music that has been surrounding my life with its wonderful bounties. It nourishes my soul and I think has been the most healing cast that I have ever used.

As for writing, it is something that I want to do for the rest of my life. It will always be there for me. Writing and I are endlessly attached to eachother.