This post is dedicated to the girl that if full of crazy imagination and random passions. The girl I've almost forgotten.
I have not been my normal self. I'm lackadaisical and extremely unmotivated to do almost anything. I feel as though all I do now is work and sleep, work and watch TV, work and shower - all not exciting.
This week I will be working my full-time job at FedEx and spend most of the nights in the Customer Service box at Kohl's.
This week my TV broke and seriously, I cried a bit.
This week I started to have insomnia, again.
I've been doing nothing since I've been working the two jobs. My social life is nonexistent and it seems as though late night TV has become my best and most dependable friend.
I have not been my normal self. I'm lackadaisical and extremely unmotivated to do almost anything. I feel as though all I do now is work and sleep, work and watch TV, work and shower - all not exciting.
This week I will be working my full-time job at FedEx and spend most of the nights in the Customer Service box at Kohl's.
This week my TV broke and seriously, I cried a bit.
This week I started to have insomnia, again.
I've been doing nothing since I've been working the two jobs. My social life is nonexistent and it seems as though late night TV has become my best and most dependable friend.
I'm not happy with this uneventful life.
I have the best personality to find the worst in any situation. I am a pure pessimist. I have depression and I use it as a crutch whenever I can; I cry whenever there is a reason to, I'm starting to avoid social gatherings full of people I love, I seem to punish myself for things I can't control, I don't spend enough time with my friends and family, I never even get ready for the day...
We live in a world where it is socially acceptable to constantly put yourself down. I've accepted it full hearted and I've been living a life that isn't me.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
Today I've decided I need to find happiness and bring it back in my life. I deserve it and it's time for me to start living the right way.
I am GIRLY I am a DANCER I love my FRIENDS I'm an AUNTIE
I am FREE I am LOVED I am SPIRITED I SING I have FAMILY
I have the best personality to find the worst in any situation. I am a pure pessimist. I have depression and I use it as a crutch whenever I can; I cry whenever there is a reason to, I'm starting to avoid social gatherings full of people I love, I seem to punish myself for things I can't control, I don't spend enough time with my friends and family, I never even get ready for the day...
We live in a world where it is socially acceptable to constantly put yourself down. I've accepted it full hearted and I've been living a life that isn't me.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
Today I've decided I need to find happiness and bring it back in my life. I deserve it and it's time for me to start living the right way.
I am GIRLY I am a DANCER I love my FRIENDS I'm an AUNTIE
I am FREE I am LOVED I am SPIRITED I SING I have FAMILY
I'm a WRITER
I am LOUD I am Hopeful I am TALENTED I have STYLE I get FREAKY
Happiness, please help me find you. Because this girl, right here, needs you.
I am LOUD I am Hopeful I am TALENTED I have STYLE I get FREAKY
Happiness, please help me find you. Because this girl, right here, needs you.
6 comments:
I love this post. I love you. I love that picture.
I hate how much you're working.
As for happiness. Well...happiness is not always a permanent fixture in my life. Instead, I've made it my goal to seek after these two things:
Joy and Peace.
Because life has rough patches, but feeling at peace in those patches sure comes in handy. And joy, well, thank goodness for those joyful moments. Without joy, life really is lackluster.
And as a small moment of joy for the day: "duedestr" is the word verification. Sound it out. It makes me smile.
I know exactly how you feel. I was once there and it is not fun. I am sorry that you are in the middle of a 'detour' in life and I hope you can get back on track I know you will be able to. You are a great person! I love the last paragraph of this post. You are strong! If you need anything, let me know and I will be there in a heartbeat!
I've been there myself, about the same time in my life. Single, working two jobs, school, busy, busy, busy. And so I let myself just coast through it all and forgot to have fun, forgot I was fun. It was a rough time. Sorry you are going through it. The important thing is to realize you have the control to change it! Once I was determined to be more social and have more fun, living my life more fully just kind of followed suit. Hang in there!
To steal a line from Arthur Abbott, "...In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
Love you!
I am with Rookie. I love this post and I love you. I am so glad you came to hang out this weekend. And we need to do it more often. Really.
I too have recommitted myself in recent weeks to be happy. Find joy. And live my life with more intention. The way I want and deserve. Right? So lets be friends and help each other.
You can always come and watch my TV. I hear Rookie has some dreamy movies ;)
Oh how well I remember that little girl in the photo.... And the teenager (carefree and funny)... You have so many friends that are just waiting for you to reach out to us. We all LOVE YOU SO MUCH. It is OK to take a "Mental Health" day off from work - in fact doctors insist that their patients to that at least one day every 6 months..... TRY IT JUST FOR YOU.
My sweet friend, How real. How raw.
I love this post. I love your ability to write. I love your desire to change. I love that fun carefree stylish person. You do have great taste. This is a hard time in your life and you can take back control of the way you want it to be. We all have to make changes for the better in our lives daily.
You are amazing and you just need to remember that. You have lots of fans and I am one of them.
Big hug and lots of love
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