Things I suck at:

I’ve recently been challenged by a youtube vlogger to make a list of things I suck at. My list of suck is in no way me being modest – It’s fact. I’m sure if you know me you can attest to many, if not all of these. Here we go.

I suck at:

CHANGE- Even if it is good change, I feel completely uprooted.

SPORTS- This is twofold: Playing them-I suck at all sports, all positions, and any type of athletic game. Secondly I suck at watching them- I want to understand what is going on, but I don’t. I normally cheer and/or boo at the wrong parts.

TALKING, WHEN CRYING- I am physically unable to speak if I’m crying. My throat closes off! My voice loses any control of pitch or volume. I normally end up speaking overly loud or not at all. The worst is when someone is waiting for me to speak…

STAIRS- Stupid-nerve-damaged-ridiculous-paralyzed-right-leg, you stop me from doing anything normal! I hate taking one stair at a time. Hate it.

LIFTING- I have T-Rex arms. They cannot lift anything. Case closed.

SURPRISES- Please, do not surprise me. I truly would rather not have a birthday party, dinner party, or any kind of party, than be surprised by one. Small gifts – those are nice surprises. A mass of people being in the know, without me knowing, is an anxiety nightmare.

SPELLING- Deal with it. I have to everyday.

MEMORY- I forget plans, names, faces, people, directions, locations, and all kinds of happenstances. Ever play Scramble on your phone? I do. I try to use the cheat called “vision”. I normally fail because I can’t remember one of the words I need to find. There are only 3 words to remember.

SAYING NO TO CARBS & CHEESE- Why would I? They are the longest relationship I’ve ever had.

SPEAKING IN PUBLIC- I’m a mumbling, stuttering, slurring, might pass out, freak.

TALKING ABOUT MY NOVEL- Apparently if you want to become a writer, people will expect you to be able to talk about things, explain things. Well that doesn’t work for me. I have placed dibs on being one of those “awkward as hell, but still charming in the right circles", kind of writer.

ROMANTIC LOVE- hahahahhahaa. Too bad I’m allergic to cats, because becoming a cat lady is in my cards.

BAD HAIR DAYS- I have called in sick to work because of this. I get hulk-angry.

BEING IN AN UN-AIRCONDITIONED HOUSE- Come on! No one wants to live there…let alone visit there voluntarily.

ESTIMATING SOMEONE’S AGE- You can tell me what year someone was born in and vocalize your inner monologue about what year we are actually in, but it doesn’t matter. No matter if it was 60 years ago or 5, I cannot figure it out. My brain comes back with “HUMAN ERROR”. There is none of that kind of math in here.*points to brain. If you want to figure out someone’s age, I’m not the person to go to. If you try you may get, “1978 subtracted from 2013 – months in the year = the square root of I hate this”.

LISTENING TO VOICE MAIL- Just text me already! This is never going to happen. Every month or so I will do a massive deleting session…just so the stupid icon will leave my phone.

THEORIZING IN CASUAL CONVERSATION- I’m either going to think you are crazy, think you're wrong, or I will tune out. I’m sorry. I am not good in the grey-way of thinking. I’m black and white. Either have an answer or find one or make one.

MATH- please see “estimating someone’s age”

CAR, COMPUTER, AND PHONE PROBLEMS- My life, as I know it, is ending.

TRAFFIC- Sailors have my mouth.

FORGIVING SOMEONE THAT HAS INSULTED OR HURT MY LOVED ONES- I know I need to be better at this, but as it stands, you are basically dead to me.

Now I need to make Things I Rock At post, that way I won’t look like a total jerk and/or loser.