Yesterday, March 31, was the two year mark of my Mother's passing. This week has been really hard for me. No, the last two years have been hard on me. I seem to be the one who breaks down the most in my family. Sometimes it makes me sad to think that some are moving on, even though that is healthy. I am so grateful for my sisters. I'm grateful for London always asking me how I'm doing. She is always doing the nicest things for me. Mothering me. I'm grateful for Lera. She really is so understanding. She always invites me over. She makes sure that I have everything I need. They both let me be apart of their families. They are the best sisters any one can ask for.
I wish I could be more like both of them. More like my Mother. Being able to laugh easily. Being generally happy and sweet. Unlike them I have always been so accepting of sadness. Sometimes I think my soul was made to weep. I think I was made to weep with others. I know that my Mom did that for me. And I miss so many things that feel like I wont have again.
I miss being able to call my Mom to tell her I'm lonely.
I miss kissing her on the cheek every time I came over and every time I left.
I miss talking with her about my day at work.
I miss being able to sit with someone when the power went out.
I miss feeling guilt to play scrabble with her at 2 AM.
I miss having someone to cook for.
I miss refilling her ice water for the 40th time that day.
I miss watching beautiful men on TV and hearing her funny comments.
I miss watching her move her glasses above her eyes to wipe her tears at church.
I miss helping her run errands.
I miss helping her put her socks on. And on again.
I miss hearing her laugh, especially how she could laugh at me.
I miss feeling like I have parents that I'm close to.
I miss feeling a part of a family, instead of a sisterhood of 3.
I miss her so much.
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7 comments:
((HUGS)) I have been worried about you.
I don't know the perfect thing to say, and I wish I did. I can't imagine the void that was left when your mom passed away. She sounds like she was a great lady. I personally, wish I would have been around to listen to some of her jokes. It makes me smile thinking about some of the things I have heard. :)
Two years is a long time. A long time without her :( But let's celebrate and remeber her. How about you, me, and Rookie go visit her and then head to dinner or for dessert somewhere. Hopefully there will be some "beautiful men" to look at and we can play the "what would Rie's mom do?" I bet we could land a date? :)
Ok, enough with the long freaking comment. You rock my dear. You are stronger then you think. Call me!
My dear Rie, I know how you feel. Your mom was more than just my friend, she was like my sister, my confidant, my comrade in arms, (so to speak). I miss calling her in the middle of the night when I can't sleep - knowing that she's always awake and ready to talk was so comforting. My heart weeps for you and I say little prayers for you to find comfort from our Heavenly Father. I know your mother watches over you more than the others. Take comfort that she's near you always in your heart. Love you, my dear Rie.
Sweet Sweet Rie,
I really believe that your pain and missing of her is different then your sisters. It must be so hard being single. I know that is bold but that is part of it. Your sisters and I have families that keep our minds distracted. Although we have a different pain as mothers and not having our moms around for our children. But to be single and not have your mom must be so hard. It is hard enough to just not have our moms. Your sisters are wonderful and they do take care of you but it is not the same as YOUR MOTHER.
I am so sorry that your mother is gone. I am so sorry that she is not there for you. It is OK to be sad. You have every right in the world to be sad. I know the pain of missing my mom and cried for her as I am sick and I just wanted my mommy. We have each other and we have the strength they left us. I love you Rie, Please know my heart is with you. If you need to come over and watch Twilight with me, call me. But wait till I am better, ha ha. I love you and hope you will be alright. love ya
What a sweet tribute to your momma! Two years is a long road without a mom around. I really wish I could have met her--she sounds like an amazing woman!
You are wrong, however, about yourself! You are so strong. You lift me up and make me giggle as few can. You are powerful and brilliant and I bet your mom is so proud of you and the beautiful, spiritual, kind, hilarious, and good woman that you are!
I'm sending you a giant cyber-hug (lame and trite, I know, but I'm at work...). We totally need to follow through with Alice's recommendation.
And thank you for this post--it reminds me that, though my mom drives me 100% bonkers, I still love the woman and I'm lucky she's around.
(Oh, and the deleted comment was me--whoopsy!)
Ugh. It really is so heartwrenchingly difficult. The pain never seems to go away. I am so sorry that you are hurting, but I do think it's healthy to feel so. Know that I love you and am here for you whenever you need me.
Hey Sariah, I am sorry you are having a hard time. Just know I think about you all the time and wonder how you are doing....hope to see you soon.
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