Mr. Right?!?!

Shea and I were watching one of our favorite movies last night, Practical Magic. She is Sally. I am Gilly. If you've seen the movie, you would know that Gilly "has the worst taste in men" as Sally frankly states as they are rolling the twice corpse'd body of the sexy Bulgarian/vampire/ cowboy, Jimmy, into a freshly dug grave. Whilst I watch the mystical rain soak into his beautiful hair, Shea looks at me and says, "You really do have the worst taste in men".

This morning at work I was speaking to a friend about our roles in relationships. I was saying how normally I drive, I want a great career, and I decide how I normally put everything I have into a relationship. He than asked me what the roles the men in my life are like. After snorting down a laugh about quote on quote "MEN in my life" it hit me that they don't match anything that I want in myself. They don't have money. They don't have Careers. They don't own a car, let alone a dream. They normally, have no interest in relationships. And alas, I still want them. "Huh!!" I said, as the thought of why I like 'these men' hit me right between the eyes. Why have I NEVER noticed this before.

Is it because I don't care? Is it because even though they aren't what I really want, they are still good guys? Is it because I'm so blind I don't really look at who they are but the potential that is there? I must be crazy.

Even though I think almost every guy I meet is attractive in some way or another, I still don't fall for people easily. But when I do, it's hard. I could only think of a few Men that I have given my time and attention to. Here is a list of my "Mr. Rights";

Mr. "Only friends". This one was the guy that I had given so much time, effort, and resources on. As desperately sad as this may sound, I was chasing him. He was my first young crush. I was his friend. We were best friends for a long time. He was a great person. Lively, artistic, funny, charming, attractive, and welcoming to everyone. His family was even more inviting and delicious. I loved them. I still miss his family even now. I felt apart of his family. I felt like I fit in, which was a really hard thing to do when you are a almost bald, Gothic, and a depressed teenager. I loved him as a best friend and I fell for him. I fell hard. He kept picking me up saying "I love you, as a friend". And that was enough. We were friends. Best friends. And then we weren't. I harbored harsh feelings for a long time. It broke my heart that I was bitter at the loss of our friendship and he was happy. I've gotten over this a long time ago and I wish him the best in life.

Mr. Homeless. I met this one in Jr. High. He was the funniest guy I've ever meet!! Even now, he is really hard to top. He wasn't my type, physically. Light brown hair, blue eyes, and extremely clean cut. He was as metro as a guy can get. I was still very attracted to him. He was the nicest guy I've ever meet. He was also homeless. A secret only I and two other people in our school knew about. He got pretty popular. Even in his circumstances he didn't get himself into trouble. He wasn't into anything except drama class. (which I hated.) But we were friends even with our differences. During high school we lost touch. I still miss him.

Mr. dead beat punk. This one was mean. He was abusive. He smelled. I swear he never showered. He didn't have a job. He had me pierce his face with a saftey pin. (why oh why would I do that!!?) He liked my friend. Correction, he liked my friends. He was in trouble with the law all of the time. He literally peed on my house because he was drunk. Did I see that this might be a guy not to like?? No. I saw the punk legend. I saw what he could have been.

Mr. Married. I met this one my first semester of college. He was sweet, he was smart, he was funny, and he was pysically everything that I go for. Dark red brown hair. Brown Eyes. Wide smile with straight teeth. I wore heels and he was still taller than me. He kept his arm around me as he walked me to my next class. He took me out to lunch frequently. He even wore a brown leather jacket. We liked the same music, movies and books. 30 minutes before our group project for our final assignment in Business devolpment class, he was rubbing my hand while we were going over our parts in the presentation. A beautiful skinny blonde came strolling in the class room. I didn't notice her until he jumped back from me. The hand touching stopped. Lots of looks between me and him happened as she sat in his lap and kissed his hansome face. She was wearing a wedding ring. He did not. Now I know why. We had a few classes to go for the semester. I started going to the lectures on the opposite days. He called and emailed a few times but I wouldn't answer. I still wonder if I should have dragged his cheating self to light when his wife was sitting there between us.

Now I don't have a lot of relationship experience, but I really feel that even the wrong ones can teach you many things about your future right one(s). The important thing is that we learn. I am using this epiphany as a stepping stone. The memories of guys in my past have made me realize what I want and what I don't. And right now, I feel like I have pretty good taste in men.