Random things I will never understand...

Adding water to soap
This does not make more soap. IT MAKES LESS SOAP PER USE. If you have skimmed every plastic piece of it's gooey cleanliness, it's time to get more soap.

Men
Cold case.

Pinterest
I love you but I will never understand the allure of people pinning things they would like to do, and yet, never do them.
Why do I keep coming back to you?
Because you give me a hope of things I want even though they are not apart of my current life.
*same answer applies to the subject of men.

The Inheritance Cycle
This book series is BORING and so hard for me to get through without comparing it to LOTR. Dear Chris, you are very talented for writing these at such a young age. Dear Readers, have you not seen the resemblance between LOTR and these books?

Twitter
You are lame!! You are the attention seeking drama that is my least favorite part of Facebook.

The impolite cough
I hate that I can't excuse a cough. I can sneeze, say excuse me, and it's pardoned. Coughing just seems to be a begrudged acceptance from everyone.

Hoarding scents
Why is it that we are always restocking on soap, shampoo, and conditioner, but we all have the unlimited supply of perfume. If we are not using them, we probably shouldn't keep buying them.

People
Wash your hands, let others pass you in traffic, clean your house, and be kind to people.

Seriously.

Optimistic during opposition

For me, happiness doesn’t come naturally, this is a choice. I’m learning how to do it as I go, but I thought I would share some of the reasons why I decided to take better care of myself, to learn to love myself, and to only allow myself to invest in those that can give me a healthy relationship (whether it’s work, friend, social, romantic, family, etc…). I control my happiness; no one else really has a role in that. Yes, it’s true that others can make you feel all ranges of emotions from the best to the worst, but I control who I spend my time with and how much power I can give to others.
About two months ago, my roomy Annie and I were talking about how to be happy. We both shared some experiences on how we came out of a trial feeling happier than when we went into it, but I had absolutely no experiences that I was able to find the positive side during a trial. My life, just like everyone else’s, has been hard. I told Annie that the only way that I thought I could find happiness and stay happy was for me to be defensive against the things that hurt me. I had to defend the things that made me happy. I had to completely fight against the things in my life that brought me down. I had to arm myself with goodness. I started studying about the Armor of God. I started to pray for happiness. I started to beg, in sincere and righteous wanting, to have a special spirit to be with me so I could become an optimistic person. That week of asking, studying, and wanting goodness to fill my heart opened so many new ways of thinking for me.
The next week Annie asked me to teach a class on ‘How to be Optimistic during Opposition’ for a service week with the singles in our Stake. We both knew the reason why she thought I should teach this. We knew that I needed to study it. Studying for this topic has been such a rebirth in my emotional state. This topic has been very tough for me to study because; 1. I didn’t have a testimony of finding joy during trials, 2. I feel as though I have been barely staying above water in my life, and worst of all 3. I still didn’t think that I deserved to feel at peace. I prayed for that patient spirit to coach me through this.
When I started to study, I looked up numerous talks on trials. This was interesting to me because my focus automatically went to the burdens and how to deal with them.
I was talking to my friend Amanda about my medical issues. I had just found out that there was nothing the doctors could do for me but give me medicine to help with the pain, not even a resolve or temporarily take away the pain, but to try to find something to help it. Painful spinal injections did nothing. Physical Therapy only strengthened my financial debt. In a white cold doctor’s lab, my spinal surgeon told me that they would be unable to operate because I had such extensive nerve damage, that it damaged my muscles. I will always have a paralyzed extension in my right leg. He also told me that my spinal issues will branch off and cause other problems in my body. It could affect my hip movement, my bladder control, my sexual organs, my reproductive organs; my other leg, flexibility and movement in my back…but these were “highly unlikely”. In another visit he told me that my nerve damage may heal within the next year, but that was also unlikely.
The fear and loss of hope in gaining my strength back I felt in that moment had me weeping. I was lucky that Annie showed up at the end of the appointment, because she was able to ask all of the questions that I was begging to know. I’m also glad that she listened, because I couldn’t. My thoughts were screaming. I felt as though I had lost a future that I wanted so much, a family. I would forever feel trapped in a body that looked like a monster. I already have such bad weight problems that men will never feel attracted to me, but now I felt permanently damaged.
Who could love a creature like me? Who would take care of me if I got sicker? How could anyone not think of me as a burden? What friends would stick by me when I am such a freak of nature? I was terrified. I was so alone. When I left the doctor’s office I cried in the parking lot for a few hours until I could see the road.
I hated myself. I hated everything that I was. I hated everything that I thought I would never have in my future. A while later when I could open up about things, and I was talking to Amanda, I told her about my fears. I felt left behind. I felt as though I was slowing down and the whole world was speeding up. She told me, “Heavenly Father would only slow you down so he could make sure that you see things more clearly. This is a gift.”
That night in my prayers, I thanked Heavenly Father for the gift that he had given me, I asked for his help in seeing what was trying to show me. With a heart broken, tear streaked face, I fell asleep.
The next morning I remembered what Amanda said, I remember the spirit I felt during my prayer, and I put it to the test! I choose to let my guard down on everything good and allow myself to give up the things in my life that bring unhappiness. I am normally such a control freak, making this was such a hard thing for me to do.
When I started to study for my lesson, I was seriously taking note of my trials. I had a list of the things that I found the hardest to get through in my life.
When I looked at this list I realized how much I hated myself for this. I felt disgusting and alone. I knew that I was unlovable. I felt embarrassed by the lack of beauty I had to offer. I was damaged. I am damaged. I felt as though only someone abusive could give me attention.
Then, with the kindest and most gentle whispering from the Holy Ghost, I felt his words warm my heart. I felt these comforting words, “None of these were your fault or choice.” I felt peace, my thoughts slowed down. I was calm. Then another thought came to me, “What you do with all of this IS your choice.”
It is my choice. I own me. There are things in my life that I can’t control, but there are things that I can. Life is too hard to surround yourself with sadness. Love is too heartbreaking to put your hopes in someone that doesn’t yet know how to love. The church is too right to not use my time wisely and weave myself into its teachings. Family is too eternal to not love them. Friends of quality are rare and should be treated as gems. I needed to make an action plan so I would never feel unlovable and worthless again.
These are the reasons why I made the action plan below:
-I started to study blessings. Happiness. Joy. Love. Family…
-I started to pray with an open heart. I started to read my scriptures every day. I started putting church attendance as my top priority.
-I made an appointment with my bishop. I have been living so close to that line of sin for way too long. I kind of lead my life like “I want to be good, but I don’t need to be that good.” I realized that is how people were lost in the “mists of darkness”. Life is dark when you are not focused on the light of the world! Talking with my bishop was embarrassing, hard and I felt as though I have been in those offices way too many times for me to feel “light” again. But I did. Before I even left his office, I felt peace. I KNEW that I was doing what made Heavenly Father Proud. There really is no peace without keeping our promises to our Heavenly Father. We cannot be happy without the atonement. We cannot feel our worth before we become worth something in the eternities.
-I make sure that I take my medicine every day. I have a chemical imbalance, but it’s my choice if I want to feel that way or if I want to feel balanced. I prefer balance in my life. I prefer not to be in pain, whether it is spiritual, mental, or physical. Pain? No thank you!
-I have started to lose weight and become more physically healthy. Even if I am handicapped, I refuse to make things harder on myself. I’m down 26 lbs. It’s slow, but steady!
-I asked all of my family to be there for me. I told them it was ok if they couldn’t, but I needed their help. They are all becoming healthier. We lost over 100 lbs together. They have helped me with doctor’s appointments. We spend more time together. I am learning who they are and loving them. I am letting them in my life. I make sure that my time is spent with them when we both have it available.
-My friends that I hang out with love me. I know they do. They support me. They accept me for my flaws, they wait for me when I fall behind, and they help me smile naturally. They know that I love them and they accept that love. It’s not awkward. It’s perfectly equal.
-I don’t hang out with those that don’t love or respect me. If I feel as though I am being used, I cut off their supply of my time. I stopped investing in those that still don’t know who I am. I want to be known. I want others to see my worth. I am lovable, and if they can’t see it, that’s ok. I’m just not wasting myself or my time on those that can’t appreciate who I am.
-Every morning I wake up and I think ‘Today is going to be a great day’. It works. I even have a motto that I say to myself when I start to doubt my new life. It’s in the heading of this letter, “be calm, love on’. Slow down, open up. There is nothing in this world that is good that isn’t worth sending love its way. I was so afraid of LOVE. It seemed like the worst four letter word out there. When people said it, it seemed like a double edged sword, but it’s not. It’s beautiful. It’s kind. It’s simple.
-Every day in my prayers I am grateful. I share my happiness with my Heavenly Father.
That helps most of all!
I’m learning to fall in love with myself. Not in the conceded way, but in kindness. In the details. In the flaws. In the strengths.
I really do love my life. I’m so thankful for it. I am so blessed. I want to thank those that never expected me to be anything but what I am. Rie. Just Rie.
Happiness waits for everyone to find it. I’ve found that when you follow the above, things become more balanced. Things slow down. But in those times of doubt, if you need to borrow my life raft of ‘be calm, love on’ please do.
I was so grateful to study the subject of optimism but I was nervous, everything that I learned for this talk was so personal, I had no idea how I would actually share it. Interestingly enough, my class was cancelled. There was not enough time for my course to be added in the schedule. I felt a wave of relief. I felt blessed for being directed in this subject of study; because with out being asked to learn about it, I would have never have done it on my own.

25 reasons

(Ultimate Goal Weight)
I have been going to weight watchers with my sisters and my Dad's wife Betty. Overall we have lost over 125 lbs together!! I have lost 31 lbs and I am feeling very motivated to lose more! Our Wednesday night teacher talked to us about a friend of hers that wrote down 25 reasons why she wanted to lose weight. Our teacher said that these reasons helped her friend to get to her goal weight. I want to get to MY goal weight so I thought I would take that challenge as well to have a nice reminder. Here are my reasons:
-I want to be able to play with my nephews more actively. I love being known as fun Auntie Why. I love giggling and chasing and tickling and playing with my 5 gorgeous nephews. Reading, snuggling, and games are all good, but I want to be active with them.
-I want to own and wear clothes that are actually my style. When you are my size, style is more of a desire than a reality. You choose the clothes that fit. You choose the clothes that fit and are the right price. You choose the clothes that fit, are the right price, and what is available in the stores. That really limits what I can buy. I love tights and sweater shirts and dresses. I love knee-high boots. I love horizontal stripes. I love cute underwear. All of these loved treasures are not really in my reach right now.
-Shoe size goes down when weight goes down, not always, but some of the time. I’m hoping that I drop a shoe size when I drop most of my weight. There are not many adorable size 12 shoes in the world that are not made for men or very old ladies.
-Swimming season. Enough said.
-I want to own a LTB. Literally a Little Black Dress. Obviously, Little Black Dresses don’t come in plus size.
-Improve my relationships with my friends. Things like travel, sports, the great outdoors, camping, and all of the other things that would be so much more comfortable if I was healthier.
-I want to feel as beautiful as this girl looks!

-I want to breathe easier!! I hate climbing stairs and being out of breath when I get to the top. It’s so embarrassing walking with friends and I start breathing heavily. I hate that when I’m working out, I try to stifle my breathing so people don’t look at me with those “pity eyes”.
-I care about myself! I want to feel happy, beautiful, feminine, and powerful. I deserve that.
-I have never been photographic. I’m sure that if I lose weight that will help me feel more comfortable in front of the camera. PS. I have untagged many-a-facebook-photos.
-I love traveling. I love flying. I HATE asking for a seat belt extender. It’s the worst!
-Right now I walk around with a cane, if I lost weight, It would help me get around easier. Hopefully without one…
-My mom. I want to be healthier. I want to grow old and love life. I want to be involved with my family as long as possible. I want to show her that I am trying to have the best life I can.
-Self esteem. I just want to feel better about who I am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, “This is not me”.
-Being over weight is hard on your body! I want to hopefully take less medication. Less pain killers, less anti-depressants, and less pain management…LESS CO-PAYS.
-I want to be able to exercise and not just painfully get through physical therapy.
-To never see “those looks” again. I hate that everywhere I go judgmental eyes follow me. Children ask overly-honest questions out loud, people in restaurants judge my every bite.
-Judge as you may…(but please see above) I want fake ninnies!! I have had “C” cups since 5th grade. I want some nice ones that fit me the way I want them to fit me.
-I want to have more romance in my life. Dating more, borrowing a gentlemen’s jacket when it’s chilly, and snuggling up under a blanket with a beautiful fellow without feeling insecure...
-Temple Service, sometimes it’s uncomfortable for me. I want to be able to go and serve without all of the unneeded hassle of my weight.
-I want to be more attractive to men. Real men. Kind ones. Ones that see how beautiful I am inside and out. The good guys are worth being healthy for.
-I hate feeling like I’m intruding on someone else’s comfort. It’s the worst when you can’t scoot over on the couch any further than you already have, same with movie theater chairs, restaurant booths, etc…
-To just be happier. Being healthy is an easy way to bring happiness into your life. It never fails.
-Once my sisters, Betty and I hit our goal weights…we are going on a cruise. OPA!!
-To prove to myself that I can do this!!

Lame back and whatnot

There are so many times that I feel like I’m losing the things that are most important to me but I forget that I am given so many other blessings in its place. I have been fighting against every medical issue I have been having for the past year and it’s just leaving me exhausted and heart broken.

I was focusing on things in my future that I cannot control and forgetting about the blessings I have in my life now. I’m praying that I can start telling the difference between what is important enough to keep in my life and what I can get rid of.

I have been working with a pain management doctor and he wants me to start getting epidurals! That seems so ludicrous to me. I’m really hoping that they will actually help, because I’m running out of options to get rid of the pain.

I also pray that if they don’t I will be able to let it go.

I’m scared. I’m tired of feeling weak. I’m drained from fighting a battle I have no control over. I need to put it in the Savior’s all-knowing hands - I am trying to wait on the Lord. I am so grateful for the atonement. My daily life has, for some reason, forgotten to include it.

I am so thankful for being able to remember that I have that sound tool to use when I am either not in control or shouldn’t be.

Get Served.

Guess what!

I got a new calling in my ward. I am very excited about this! I used to be over the Relief Society activities and I had no co-chair, no board, and no room to do the activity in and basically zero attendance. It goes with out saying that I was becoming very frustrated with the way my calling was working out. But, lo and behold, I will now be doing a calling that I think will work just swelling for me. I am over setting up service opportunities for the sisters in our ward. There is no designated day for it, no criteria to follow, no one to try to sync up schedules with, and no one to try to please besides those we serve. I am so grateful for this opportunity! Service really makes everyone’s lives better! Especially with the holidays coming around the corner; there seems to be more softened hearts willing to help and more people being open to receive help.

I am really humbled that my ward created this calling for me. I feel like this is something I can flourish in. I also think this will be an awesome way to bond the Relief Society together. I’m sure you will hear all of the dorky little things I will think of in getting the girls to be involved.

Any ideas?

The Memory of Zombie

You should try this on your blog page too. What you do is take a random word and make a list of memories or things that you think of when you hear the word. Today my word choice is zombie.


The walking Dead is an awesome post-apocalyptic zombie tv show that stars survivor Rick Grimes, a sheriff deputy, who tries to save a small group of survivors that include his wife, son, and best friend. I own the first season and I LOVE IT!! The second season starts on Halloween and I cannot wait to see it. It is one of my favorite shows and the makeup is really amazing. The plot is even good, which goes against the normal zombie-cheese-fest criteria that most zombie plots follow. (It doesn't hurt that this show stars one of the hawties from the film Love, Actually.)

I have some weird obsession with the zombie. If I had to be a classic monster, zombie would be at the top of my list. I love them. I find the metaphors for them to be limitless. I love that you can take the monster and make them funny, terrifying, sad, or even on the rare occasion relatable. Sometimes I’m overly tired. Sometimes I’m so hungry that food is my only thought. Sometimes all I want to do is fit in with the masses. Sometimes I feel brain-dead. Zombies – I get it.


Woot.com has a daily deal that is normally a very good price. Every day their deal changes and it is only sold with the limit of product that they have on stock. Woot.com also has a t-shirt-woot. Local artists sell their shirts for one day and coming off the profiteer or the person stuck with a few hundred t-shirts in their design. Their shirts are my favorite things to look at. Most are very witty and creative. This one has been a favorite of mine for a while.

Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Pure genius. Need I say more?

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (spoiler alert) may have been a best-selling novel, but the story/writing was nothing to write home about. I did however read it, and love the little pictures that are drawn throughout the book. Yes I am bias because of the zombies that it definitely puts on display, but I also really appreciated the fact that Mr. Wickham was left at the end of the novel, legless and eternally attached to his zombie-bride Lydia. An ending that Jane Austen most likely would have never agreed to, because she is a lady, but I think in her heart of hearts she would have given a nod of satisfaction to the dirt-bag’s ignominious end.

The Zombie Walk downtown. October 25th is Zombie Day and there is normally a Zombie walk somewhere. You dress up and you walk. There isn't much to the event. They normally have a map that you can follow and then people normally hang out at various spots; clubs, Diners, Walmart...

Resident Evil and The Clock Tower. Both are Play Station games that are chuck-full of murderous attacks, creepy music, and hauntingly graphic zombie creatures. I could never play the game because it made me too nervous to actually succeed. I normally sat on my friend Jenny’s couch, holding a pillow close to my face, and watched in terrorized awe as she passed level by level.

Face-Off is a reality tv show where special effect makeup artists compete to be given a very prestigious career and paycheck. Each episode is interesting even to a person that doesn’t really care about that kind of thing, like me. They really are artists. My roomy Logan has a dream to be in special effects make up and she specializes and makeup and prosthetics. Right now she is making a mask mold for a zombie clown. I hate that thing. It is the creepiest creation she has thought of in that very mysterious, yet creative, mind of hers. Logan is a natural talent with these kinds of things. I hope she gets all she desires in a career.

The song Zombie, by the beloved Cranberries, is loved by many. I fell in love with the lyrics that seem to desperately cling to your bones. The bitter-sweet distress of love and war are encrusted jewels that decorate the lyrics of that beautifully written cry. If you love that song you should check out Jay Brannan’s cover. I’m not really a fan of this semi-pitchy singer, but his covers are really brilliant.

New additions

The fall season is near and besides the promise of beautiful scenery, comfortable clothes, and awesome sleepy nights when my room is actually cool from the night air, it also has brought some unexpected additions to my life. I have invested in some lovely toys, luxuries, and gadgets that are making my life more comfortable and enjoyable.

I bought a bed. Hallelujah!!! It's a queen-sized comfortable bit of a heavenly cloud that I float upon every night (and sometimes during a daytime nap) into a beautiful, rest-easy, peaceful sleep.

My bed has become the new hangout spot in my apartment. We have recently gotten rid of a television that took up way too much room in our small living room and wasted hours upon hours of needed time to do something else that may actually help me progress in life. It seems that we now waste hours in my bedroom; talking, watching movies, or listening to music on my awesome bed.

Speaking of music...I finally started using iTunes. I cannot believe how long it took me to find a true romance with that exquisite piece of technology. ITunes has become my new obsession…and money pit.

I got a new desktop and desk at a very reasonable price from the ever-monopolizing Wal-Mart. I have a secret, I love Wal-Mart! I know that I’m supposed to hate it, but I can’t, not when it brings so many great toys into my life at prices that I can actually afford…or excuse. With the luxury of owning a desktop my writing has already taken flight and I have started printing chapters of my novel to be edited and reviewed.

My book is something that I want to share with the whole world through publishing so it seems so odd to me how protective I am of my little chapters that are being viewed for the first time. I love them. They are very personal to me. I’m worried that they will not be received well. Either way, It’s the next step and I’m moving forward.

Opposition has also reared its ugly head in the changes of the season.

Two weeks ago I found out that there was nothing that can be offered to me medically and that I need to wait another year to see if my nerve damage will repair itself. Surgery is not an option. Waiting is mandatory and not even a guarantee. I have been having a rollercoaster of emotions about this. The 5 stages of grief have been very prominent in my life since that day at my neurosurgeon’s lab #12, when I sat on a crinkly paper-covered medical bed and sobbed while my angel roommate asked all of the questions that were running through my mind, but I couldn’t choke out. My emotions have been so out of control with this and I have found myself questioning many things in my life. My faith has been wavering in the quality of my future, with normalcies, with dating, with someone being able to love me, with marriage, with children…I have been hanging on though because I know that eternal blessings won’t be held from me because I have a lame leg.

I lost 6 complete chapters to my novel. Amongst finding this out I had many un-ladylike words that flowed out of my mouth and many unneeded tears that came from an angry and exhausted mind. That was a low blow.

The changing of the season has also brought some loneliness. I have missed some friends in my life that have very obviously moved on. I pray that I can move on soon. This part has been the hardest pill for me to swallow. It’s so hard for me to see that someone else’s caring doesn’t reflect my failures or successes.

With the scales equally level holding good and bad changes, I have found that life goes on. My book is flourishing and growing into a strong work of art. My bed has comforted me after a long day of tears and also supported me after a night of laughter and adventure. Music…music, I cannot express my love for the music that has been surrounding my life with its wonderful bounties. It nourishes my soul and I think has been the most healing cast that I have ever used.

As for writing, it is something that I want to do for the rest of my life. It will always be there for me. Writing and I are endlessly attached to eachother.

bed side bad manners

I have been in and out of doctor’s offices, labs, and special practitioner’s offices all over the valley since last November. Its exhausting going from place to place and trying to remember everything that you need to bring or try to persuade another office to fax to the current location you need it at. I found out quickly that I need to make copies of everything possible so I could have it on hand or at least call someone before my appointment took place to make sure they had access to what they needed. Amongst my cane, that I have to bring with me everywhere, I have a list of items I carry around with me to each appointment.

Of those items is an eight pound binder, full of paperwork and analyses, is one of the many joys I haul around. Juggling a cane, a purse, the loathed eight pound binder (that I cradle to my chest like a baby), a mri films folder (that is as big as tv-dinner table tray), a placard with a time limit on it for parking, and my shaking debit card; held out reluctantly for the next abusive swipe through the very number-crunching-addictive key pad that demands my $40 co-pay for each appointment…even if they are in the same building…on the same day.

Though the painful testing, the restless nights full of questions, and the slowly growing bowl of knowledge that is passed from doctor to doctor like a party-mix, I find that there is something that is constant amongst the ever-changing procedures and unfamiliar hypotheses that I hear though out my visits, and that is the repetitive statements that are used by everyone in the doctor’s office no matter if they have met with you a hundred times or the first time when they pass you in the hall. I have a sneaky suspicion that there is a little man running around the office holding que-cards or speaking into a secret two-way-radio, giving the workers the same lines to say over and over.

There are things that I don’t want to hear when I go in for an appointment and yet they are the things that I hear numerous times no matter where I go. I’m sorry that I have to share them, because they are annoying, but I fear that if I don’t jot them down they will circle in my head, on a skipping repeat, like a broken record playing a Nickel Back song. (Which of course sounds the same from start to end anyways.)

I now type down some of the monotonous statements that crawl under my skin, hoping that they will be removed permanently and the little guy holding the two-way-radio will know that I’m on to him. Well little man, I am onto you! Please be more creative in the future than sticking with the following:

Please have a seat; we will be with you in a minute.
This may hurt.
Are you able to walk?
Who is your insurance again?
I’m sorry, I’ve been running late today.
Our machine broke this morning.
Please fill this out.
Please fill this out again.
We lost the paperwork.
I’ll need a copy of their papers before we begin.
You have so much damage we don’t know where to start.
I will need a copy of that.
Have you already had__ insert a test the doctor gave me last week here ___ test?
You will have to meet with Doctor__insert anyone else here___before you meet with me.
We will need you to have a follow-up appointment with me.
Does this give you more pain or less pain when I poke you?
You have a lot of weakness…that is just not a good sign.
This does not look good.
Do you remember any trauma before this happened? Any at all?
Your reflexes are not good.
Well that’s no fun, is it.
I need you to sign here.
Which leg is it again?
We are going to need to reschedule.
I’m going to advise that you see another doctor.

And last but not least…
It’s good to see you again, (doctor looks at my name on the folder of freshly copied documents) Sahara, what is troubling you today?

sleep tight...and confined

For a creating writing class, back in high school, we were asked to write a structure poem. We needed to place the words in our poems in very distinct patterns so the form of the poem matched the expressions in your poem. I wrote this:

Uncomfortable

IHAT

ESLE

EPIN

GINA

SLEE

PING

BAG!

Last spring I moved into a new apartment, with new roommates, and a new bedroom that made Harry Potter's under the stairs cupboard look like a master suite. I decided that I had to downgrade from my queen sized bed to a single, allowing some floor room to walk around.

I am a 27 year old women. I am a large lady. I am a 5'9 taller than average female. I sleep with pointed toes hanging off the bottom of my mattress and the tip of my head hanging off the top. I am also a sleeper that dares not to have any toe, knee cap, finger, or arm hang off the bed, into the vast dark abyss of the bedroom where the bedtime creatures could grab me, so all night I am confined on a 3'x6' cushy coffin.

I hate sleeping on my bed. It is uncomfortable and suffocating. I am trying, so badly, to afford the queen sized Malm bed frame and mattresses from IKEA. I dream of the leg room. I yearn for the movie nights, to be able to snug up with someone else. I crave being able to sleep with an elbow above my head without hitting my funny bone on the wall. It is time that I have an adult sized bed. It's time for me to be able to stretch as my heart contents. Its time for me to have a cool side of the pillow again...ahhh, the cool side of a pillow...how I have missed that sweet smelling, face comforting, gentle play in my hair from the chill thin air that washes over me and blows away any smoggy nightmares that may be looming.

Keep you fingers crossed for me that I can get a new bed soon. Because if I can't, I have a feeling that I will have some more broken dreams...and elbows.

Odd women out...

Last night I had an Epiphany.

My nephew Palmer always comments on my CTR ring saying things like "Mommy and Daddy are married" or "Is this your married ring?". I always give him a little explanation that I'm not married and that my ring is a church ring. Once I even tried to explain how my ring was not on the same hand as his Mommy and Daddy's ring was, but that didn't get too far because he was obviously more interested in my cane.

After dinner Palmer said "This is Auntie Rie's cane, this is how she walks", he then limped and gimped and hopped around the living room. He is adorable. I however feel not so adorable when I am limping around with my cane. I miss high heels. I miss being able to use stairs easily. I miss not having stares from strangers follow me when I walk around a store. I miss being able to play and jump and walk everywhere I wanted to go. I get down a lot because I think that no one will want to date a girl like me, especially with a cane, and I put myself down thinking that I'm alone for a reason.

We caravan to the Dinosaur Museum in Thanksgiving Point, it is awesome there, but I was exhausted by the time we left. My leg felt as though it was giving out and I was angry with the fact that I was tired at 8:30 pm. Some of my favorite people in the world, went home together. I couldn't help but notice that I drove home alone. I am single. Singular. I wasn't down about it - it was actually a beautiful drive with great music, I just realized I was alone but not lonely.

I finally understood what it means to be single. I am alone until I am married or coupled. Duh, why did I not understand that before?

It doesn't mean that I am not worth the love and attentions of someone else. It doesn't mean that I don't deserve an eternal marriage. It doesn't mean that I am doing something wrong. All relationships fail before you find the one you belong with. That doesn't mean that I'm a failure. It just means that I haven't found my single man to couple with.

Until I do, I'm happy to wear my church ring. I'm happy to have other emblems of a single life like less responsibility, enjoying parties that run deep into the night, random vacations, and having a girls night almost every night with my roomies. I'm happy to be singular which has synonyms such as remarkable, extraordinary, outstanding, distinct, and odd.

I know that I will have days that I get down about being single, I'm sure that the post-spinal surgery days will be a hard trial for me; but I'm grateful to realize that things work on Heavenly Father's time (I am so grateful that I didn't marry the man I wanted 10 years ago, 10 months ago, or even 10 days ago), that I'm never alone, that I am sealed to my family, and I am promised a family of my own one day.

Last night I made new goals in my life. I am going to work on me; feeling happier, stronger, healthier, more spiritual, and using my singlehood to the fullest. I'm going to drink it all in.

God’s Country

I was lucky to be able to spend Memorial Day and the Forth of July in what I call ‘God’s Country’ or aka Idaho. I love Idaho. It is becoming a fast rising favorite of vacation locations.

Memorial Day Annie and I went up to Idaho for the three day weekend. It was lovely to be able to spend the time with her entire immediate family. They are all so awesome. I laughed a ton and I really enjoyed getting away for a distressing vacation. Annie and I went to her Grandma’s gravesite on the way home; it was such a tender moment in our friendship. It was lovely to be able to take some time away and enjoy the fresh air. It rained a lot this weekend and it made the skies beautiful shades of white to purple-grey against the emerald green mountains. That skyline, upon leaving Idaho, is one of my favorite views in the world.

Fourth of July we went back up to Idaho, this time I caravanned behind Annie and Renny Cyr. This weekend was a much quieter one for me than Memorial. Annie, Renny and I went down town and looked through the tiny personal shops and took some pictures by the Idaho Falls temple. Later everyone went up to a fair in Driggs, ID, where as I spent my time in the Rexburg temple and then in Rexburg just enjoying the scenery. I took some pictures, took time by myself to think, and went on a really lovely drive. I got home pretty late and then everyone else returned shortly. I slept a ton this weekend and realized how tired I was from all of the doctor’s visits, work stresses, and emotional drama that has been happening. It was so nice to just relax. The Forth of July is my favorite holiday. I didn’t see any fireworks this year because I ended up driving home on the 4th and crashed when I got home.

Some of my favorite things about Idaho:
Its Green mountains seem to surround and roll across the landscape. The perfectly manicured fields of grains, vegetation, and flowers pattern the rich earth. The skies seem to be full of continuous fluffy clouds that slide beautifully through the sun’s rays. The air is cleaner, the people nicer, and the birds seem to chirp in a more sing-song way than in Utah.
The Munk Clan. The members in Annie’s family are more adorable and lovelier than the next. I always feel welcome, appreciated, and valued. I know I can be myself and that is all they expect. They are some of the most generous, Christ-like, and talented people I’ve ever met. They are a great example of a strong family that love and support each other through the good times, trials, and hardships. I love them all.
The Munk’s home; every room is clean, full of family photo’s, and gospel infused art/teachings. I feel calm there. I feel the peaceful spirit. I feel comfortable.
I love the Rexburg temple, the celestial room is the most beautiful that I have seen yet. I had such an amazing experience while I was in those sacred walls and it made me want to become a temple worker. It was a beautiful moment.
The bike. (As shown above.)
The Idaho Falls temple, I plan on going to it on my next Idaho trip.
Tiny shops and cafes that are sprinkled all over town.
The Sandwich Tree deli and the Reeds Dairy that has some of the best ice cream I’ve ever had. Hello snicker-doodle!!
How far away it is from everything lively, loud, and quickly entertaining.

Some of the things I could do without:
The never-ending popping noises that the huge bugs make as they smack into my car like gooey exploding bullets; leaving corpse-y marks that no squidgy, paper towel or high-powered car wash can remove.
The bugs in general.
When the air sometimes smells like cows…or cow pies.
The fact that it takes hours to get there…or else I would be there every weekend.
No good Mexican food anywhere.
My family isn’t a 10 minute drive away.
How far away it is from everything lively, loud, and quickly entertaining.

Dear 45th University Student Ward,

I’m writing this with a very grateful heart although I feel as though I am losing some of the greatest blessings I have ever had; a relief society that was as strong as a true sisterhood, a ward that felt as though we were all family, and a bishop that was truly the father of our ward.
The past few years I have had some of my hardest trials that I am now able to look back on with a more positive attitude and with an entirely new perspective.
God really is aware of who we are and what we need. Our experiences, blessings, and trials really all depend on his timing and all-knowing wisdom. There are no words for me to convey how thankful I am for the love and support as I changed my life around. The 45th University Student Ward was a key role in helping me get a grip on my life, supporting me as I tried to heal a broken heart, and in learning how to love myself again. I wanted to share the experience that this last year has given me.
Before I came to this ward I was inactive. My old singles ward was full of clicks and judgments. I never felt as though I was cared about and I sat alone every week. I remember one day I embarrassingly asked my visiting teachers to hang out with me because of how lonely I felt. They stepped up to the plate, not because it was just a calling, but because they are genuinely great ladies. They befriended me and allowed me to feel as though I had friends in the ward. Besides these two remarkable girls, I was defined as the unpopular girl by the other members and there were a lot of rumors that floated around about me that were not true.
I went to the bishop because I needed guidance and I had some sins that I needed the atonement and the priesthood in order to heal from. I shared everything about myself with him. He shared that confidential and personal information with his wife and she shared it with the relief society during a class in church. She also shared my weaknesses in front of a huge group of people during a service activity. Now there were not only rumors spreading about me, but cruel gossip of the most personal nature. I was embarrassed, I was angry, and I really hated myself and my ward. I allowed myself to become inactive.
My room mates at that time moved away to college and I moved into my sister’s unfinished basement. One month later my mom passed away. My closest friends were all out of state. Both of my sisters are married with children and they turned to their families during this hard time. They both tried to be there for me as much as possible, but I still felt alone. My father proposed to my mom’s best friend the night of her viewing and the next morning they stood together in the family line as they received the guests to my mom’s funeral.
Two months later my Dad and his wife Betty were married in the SLC temple. I was extremely confused and hurt. I didn’t have a strong testimony of family and I couldn’t understand the eternal perspective of marriage. I then found out that my Dad and Betty would be trying for a baby. I felt as though I was replaced. There were a lot of harsh words that were not true that were said to me by my friends, some ward members, and people I worked with. I took it to heart for a long time and I refused to be comforted.
I then went looking for some sort of comfort that I could have with out depending on anyone else. I started some very selfish habits that forced my last piece of comfort and support to fade from my life. All of my time, money and efforts were spent on me, trying to keep me happy, trying to keep me occupied. The Holy Ghost had to leave because of the selfish choices I was making. I have never felt more alone then I did at this time. I started living on survivor mode. I went to work, I came home, hid in my room, and I waited to fall asleep. This lasted for about 3 years.
I had some friends try to support me during this time but I would never let anyone in. I wouldn’t allow myself trust anyone and I was unwilling to allow any type of vulnerability, I even started to avoid my loving, kind sisters. Until I found myself on my knees praying for support I realized how much I needed the gospel in my life. I asked for guidance, to feel apart of a family again, and for a friend.
I started going to sacrament again because I knew the church was true and I couldn’t deny the promptings that I was getting. I wanted so badly to partake of the sacrament and to feel the Holy Ghost in my life. I started to feel not only the bitterness of sin, but the godly sorrow that the atonement requires.
Circumstances made it time to move out of my sister’s house and I was told that a girl named Annie Munk was looking for a room mate. I moved in a few months later.
Heavenly Father knew that it would take a very special person in my life to help me wake up from the habits and cycles of self-loathing that I was in. I really cannot think of any lady that is kinder, wiser, or more relatable for me than Annie. Over a month and a half of my moving in Annie knew my past, my present, and my hopelessness in the future. I felt stuck and alone and she gave me a direction and sincere friendship. She told me about the 45th ward and how it has many different types of people in it. That no one was perfect and that there were a lot of people working on coming back. She also told me that you were trustworthy and kind. She prepared me and supported me in coming back to church. I decided to send my records to our ward and I set up an appointment with my bishop.
I cannot describe how scared I was about opening up about my life and my status in repentance. Satan was giving every personal attack that he could come up with and there were many times that I know I wouldn’t have succeeded with out the help of an amazing and strong Relief Society president, room mate, and friend like Annie and some of the most influential friends I have ever met.
When I was meeting with Bishop Menlove, telling him about the things that I needed to work on and the things that I wanted in my life, he was so gentle. He helped me see the love that the Savior had for me. He helped me learn how to apply the gospel to my life. He helped me forgive myself; to bring the Holy Ghost back in my life and show me that there is hope in the future. He led me to a life worth living. He helped me learn how to love again, how to trust people around me and to let them in, and to see hope in a healthy and loving future that only Heavenly Father can give to us.
When I received my temple recommend I was able to go to the temple with some of the people that mean the most to me in life. It really helped me understand how families are eternal. I felt as though I was right at home in those sacred walls. I felt the love and true joy that the gospel can bring to you and those you love that night. I was reminded that I will never have to be alone. I would have never felt that perfect promise without your guidance.
The 45th University Ward will always be such a treasure in my heart. I have never felt so accepted and supported in a ward than I have in this one. The people that made up this ward family are so unique and wonderful that I honestly couldn’t have found such ease in returning to the right path as I did here.
I had no idea that by having me fall into the hardest trials I could be catapulted into the best kind of life. A life that is full of passion, security, and truth. Thank you for helping me to see things clearly. Thank you for helping me feel the spirit and for aiding me in getting back to the temple. Thank you for leading me to some of the most beautiful moments in my life.
The bishopric in the 45th is unlike any I’ve ever known. I have never so completely loved a ward as I did ours and I know it’s because of the people that presided over it.
I will be eternally grateful for having you in my life and I the best way that I could show how thankful I am for you is by living the best life I possibly can and by choosing to tie myself in every way to our Heavenly Father and his marvelous plan of happiness.
I received my endowment on June 25 at the 10:20 AM session in the Jordan River Temple. (Those in attendance: My Dad and Betty Nichols, London Riding, Lera and Greg Hess, Shannon and McWayne Mumford, Larisa Newman, Annie Munk, Stephanie Shott, Maiki Naone, Allison Hajek, Brooke Ipson, Allyson Browning, Jimbob and Abbe Hoggan, H. Ben Hansen, Brian Wilcox, and Emily Gibbs.)
It was the first time in my adult life that I felt beautiful. I was happy to the truest form. I felt close to my family, my friends, and the eternities. It is the best place on Earth; it radiates purity, promise, and potential. My oldest sister London was my escort and I loved being able to share that with her. Lera and London bought me all of my temple clothes for an early birthday gift and it was so great going and picking out my dress with Lera. These are now some my favorite memories that I have with them. They are both the world’s best sisters. I love them dearly.
Thank you so much for helping me get here. I finally feel as though I’m on the right track to my future. I am so blessed.
With all my love, Sister Sariah Nichols

Ps. I miss you 45th.

The Utah Arts Festival Presents:

(My favorite pics of Annie and Me are from the concerts we go to.)

Ray Lamontagne & the Pariah Dogs, The Secret Sisters, and Brandi Carlile.

I went to Library Square on June 18th with Annie and our buddy Matt Marques. It was a really great concert and I was really impressed with all of the singers and the emotions that went through the crowd.

I am an armature listener to these artists but I equally loved them all. The woodsy-folk-rock of Ray, the bluegrass harmonies of the Secret Sisters, and the Soulful rich weavings of the heartfelt lyricist Brandi Carlile were all so lovely.

My favorite part of the concert was when Brandi Carlile sang Forever Young. It was so beautiful. I really am loving Brandi's songs and I hope that if you haven't heard her sing, that you can invest some time in looking her up. She is amazing.

There Was No You, Brandi Carlile:

When I see myself, I'm seeing you too
As long as I remember it
I'm feeling like I knew that
My jokes aren't funny
The truth isn't true
If there was no you

If you were my boat in the deep blue sea
I'd probably sink you down
I know I should have thanked you for carrying me
But for you I would happily drown

All along your way
The darkest night, the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do could make me turn my back on you
When you're looking for a fight I'm your man
When you need a friend you got my hand

What I really mean, what I'm trying hard to say is that
I'm counting on you and you got me too
My secrets aren't safe, I'm singing out of tune if there was no you
If there was no you

All along your way, the darkest night the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do could make me turn my back on you
When you're lookng for a fight I'm your man
When you need a friend you got my hand
When you need a friend you got my hand
You got my hand

When I see myself, I'm seeing you too
As long as I remember it
I'm feeling like I knew that
My jokes aren't funny
The truth isn't true
If there was no you

If you were my boat in the deep blue sea
I'd probably sink you down
I know I should have thanked you for carrying me
But for you I would happily drown

All along your way
The darkest night, the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do could make me turn my back on you
When you're looking for a fight I'm your man
When you need a friend you got my hand

What I really mean, what I'm trying hard to say is that
I'm counting on you and you got me too
My secrets aren't safe, I'm singing out of tune if there was no you
If there was no you

All along your way, the darkest night the longest day
I know what to say to make you laugh
And nothing you could do could make me turn my back on you
When you're lookng for a fight I'm your man
When you need a friend you got my hand
When you need a friend you got my hand
You got my hand

Ugh!! My aching lumber spine!

(This is not a scan of my MRI, but it is a great image of a herniated disc so I thought I'd post it. Thank you google image.)

In the close of November 2010 my lower back started to hurt immensely. There was no trauma that brought on the pain so I didn’t think much about it until it started affecting my right leg. One Sunday I was headed to church with a lot of pain in my right hip. I left my house limping and took a step off the porch, my leg crumbled beneath me. I thought that I must have missed the step because that has never happened to me before. I took the second step down and I was left again on the ground from a leg that had no strength to support me. I still tried to go to church. I hobbled into the chapel and sat down on the closest chair to the door. My hip was hurting so bad that I knew I had to go to the insta-care.

I had a few x-rays taken of my hip and a few reflex tests done. I had no strength in my right leg when I bended it and zero extension strength. The doctor said that I had tendentious in my hip and sent me home with a bottle of ibuprofen. I made a doctor’s appointment with my PCP the next day. He said that he wanted to watch it for a while to see what was wrong, thinking that it was most likely a back injury, knowing it had nothing to do with tendentious. I went home and basically stayed off my leg as much as possible. I could barely move it and I fell a lot around the house. I felt very embarrassed and ashamed to ask my roommates for help in simple tasks like cooking dinner, laundry, and lifting things that I needed help with cleaning.

I had no answers and it seemed as though everywhere I went people needed to know every detail of my trauma and what I was doing about it. That was a very stressful part of going through this for me. I had no answers to give and everyone had an opinion about what I should be doing or what my diagnosis was.

About a month and a half later, I was back to normal. I had a steroid shot from my PCP and a couple of days after that I felt fine. My leg was getting a lot stronger and I was almost back to full recovery. I thanked the miracle shot in my prayers for healing me. I was able to go on a trip to San Diego that I had been planning for a few months and I got around just fine.

The beginning of February it hit again except this time I had no pain in my hip or back. All I had was numbness and weakness in my right leg. If I bend my knee at all I have no control over the muscles in my leg and I fall. Any change in the ground that may bend my leg slightly is a booby trap, every stair must be taken one at a time with my left leg going up, or my right leg going down, every turn I make I normally pivot very slowly or I hold onto a wall, and I started to realized that I needed assistance in walking in order for me to work or do the normal tasks I was used to being independent with. My Dad and his wife Betty bought me a cane and it’s been my constant frienemy since. I hate it and yet I am desperate for it’s support.

During the beginning of the second go-a-round with the weakness, I chose to move to a new apartment complex with my roommates. We didn’t feel as though our current abode was safe for us anymore. I was thoroughly mortified with every box that I had to ask for help to pack, tape, and move into another room. I felt pathetic and useless that I couldn’t help the great friends that helped us move into our new place. I was heart broken that I wasn’t getting better and I was missing out on so many things I used to help with or feel apart of. Through all of this I have had angel friends that have been so patient with me and stood beside me when I had to lean on them.

Annie has been almost saintly in her kindness towards me, not just in the trials in my life, but also the blessings. Every day without falter she helps me, waits for me, and escorts me in whatever is in need or want. Not just in the physical way, but the emotional, the mental, and most important, the spiritual. She has sat by me in waiting rooms, walked me through paperwork, kept the influences that brought my spirits down out of my life, and made sure that I knew I was a strong and important even when I felt as though I had solid proof that I wasn’t. When friends I loved bailed on me emotionally, Annie was true. When loved ones were not close to help me, Annie was there to lean on. When I was too emotional to get a grip, Annie listened to me and helped me feel calm again. When there was no light at the end of the tunnel, she shined like the sun leading me in progression. She always made sure I was moving forward. She saw that I had the right knowledge and doctors to aid me. She forgives me when I am impatient, distempered or angry and she helps me change for the better. She has been the strongest tangible yolk through all of my fears. I just can't thank her enough or give credit to where I would fell as though we were even. I love her, very much, and I couldn't have gotten through this as I have with out her.

The info:
I had a MRI which gave me the answers that I needed to go forward in treatment. I have 5 herniated discs, 2 budging discs, sciatica and Degenerative Disc Disease. I have the most damage to nerves in my lumber spine that affect my right leg extension. I have basically lost all strength in that area. If I am sitting I cannot raise my right leg whether it is bent or straight. I also can’t push it forward whether I am sitting or standing. My dorsal movement is fine which allows me to move my ankle and foot as if nothing was wrong and have all of that strength that is needed to push off it when walking, lock it when taking stairs, and the mobility of driving. If I bend my leg while standing I loose all strength. My leg feels numb and asleep from my right hip, curving into my inner thigh, my knee and inner calf.

Right now I am meeting with a Neurosurgeon at the U of U Neuroscience department. He has a two foot wiry grey pony-tail and eyebrows that are wildly out of control. He wears v-neck scrubs that show a chaotic chest hair collection and he doesn’t wear socks…and for some reason I love him. He is kind, goofy, and quirky and I feel comfortable with him, which is a lovely change from my other doctors. I will be having a EMG soon and I’m nervous about the pain, but I’m hopeful for it to lead me to a better relief in the long run.

The worst part of all of the medical procedures for me was the MRI; I’m claustrophobic and very jumpy when it comes to loud noises. I was terrified, but I got through it and I hope I won’t have to do it again. The best part was going to an office I trusted Summit Pain Management, where Annie works, and meet the people that she works with and that is where I had a spinal evaluation. The most embarrassing part has been the fact that I had to pee in a cup for a guy I call “Annie’s hottest friend” because he was the UN at Summit. The most hated is the cane that I carry. The most frustrating is the insurance and paperwork circus rings that I have to jump through. The most tiring was the 2 ½ months of physical therapy, 3-4 times a week, which I had to condition through for insurance purposes with no physical result from the hard work. The most painful part was the spinal injection. The most humiliating is the slow pace of walking, taking stairs, getting up and down, dressing, and cleaning. The most hurtful are the curious or mocking eyes that follow me in public. The most self-defeating are the times when I don’t lock my knee properly and I fall…over..and over again. The most tearful are the moments I realize that someone I love, and wanted to be there for me, doesn’t care about me. The most surprising is the fact that I keep trying to make my life better. The most reassuring is the support that I have from a wonderful family. The most encouraging is the constant love from a handful of loyal and wonderful friends. The most relief comes from the sincere prayer after a long and tearful day. The most empowered moments come from all of the gentle reminders, visits, texts, gifts, face book comments, movie nights, letters, love, hugs, girl’s nights, dinner dates, and unwavering support that I get from dear ones that help me realize that I’m not alone in this.

I’m sorry if this was long-winded, but it’s been a very long road for me to endure. It’s not over yet and I pray that the support from family, friends, work, and doctors is with me until the end.

LBD – Low Blogging Desire

As the bored, crazy souls have noticed,(and God bless you bored, crazy souls)my blogging has been basically extinct.

My blog…sometimes I think this is a pointless hobby. I have put it off for months on end. Not because there has been a lack of things to post and keep an updated status of my life endeavors but because there has been so much going on I have no idea where to start. I also feel as though a lot of my experiences are pending closure. Most of the things I want to leave an update on feel as though they could only end with a ‘…’.

For reasons of pure exhaustion I just need to say it; Crap has hit the fan in my financial, medical, and social life. There have been a lot of trials going on in my life and I think that writing about them will be placing a major ‘downer’ on my blog. Luckily there is opposition in everything. Along with the trials I have been receiving so many blessings that I don’t even know how to handle them.

I’ve realized some things that felt very important in the last few months: When you feel like you are falling apart, you also will have things that fall into place. The blessings and trials in your life are something to take note of. Lastly, sometimes you have to wait until something passes so you can have a clear perspective.

I will try to start blogging again. I have a feeling that it will be sporadic, chaotic, and maybe at times, long winded. I apologize for that up forward.

It’s time for me to feel rooted again. Raw. Natural. Me. Things I have forgotten for a little while or placed as a low priority. Thanks for reading.

Super Bowl Party

(a pic of Me, Stephanie, and Allison. I know I'm barely in this shot but it was my favorite one. :])

This year we threw a super bowl party at our place. I think that there is no need to say how little I care about sports. But I do care about parties and friends so if there is a need...there will be a party.

I was routing for the Packers...basically because I had some friends that cared for them growing up. I always say that I love sports - my friends correct me stating that I actually love the athletes. It's true.

The only part that I actually watched was the half-time show...and it was so horrible. I don't know what was going on with those B.E.P's but it wasn't good.

There was a bunch of pot luck goodies that our friends brought by. I found myself mingling from group to group of friends through out the party. Always being entertained and in good company. There also may or may not have been the best foot massage I've ever had as well. (Thanks to my little tiger friend Brian)

I love my home. I love the feeling it has when people are over. It's warm and inviting and there is always room for another friend there. I really appreciate that people aren't "clicky" when they are at my place. Friendships bloom. Conversations flow. People just feel comfortable and at ease.

There isn't a week that goes by that I don't hear some sort of compliment about our house or the people that live there. It's such a good feeling that my little sanctuary can be shared by so many people that I love.

Stay classy San Diego...

Yes, I know, my blog sucks lately. I'm sorry. I have been stuck with an Internet at home that I have to sit in my living room hooked to a cord while I use it - thus no blogging. I need to get a wireless modem so I can actually blog or write in my room with some peace and quiet.

I thought I'd give a quick update on a little trip I just had. I went to San Diego with Annie on January 27th and we flew home on January 28th. Why such a short trip you ask? Well that is simple. We flew out there to see our favorite man, Neal Mortensen, graduate the Marines and then bring him home as fast as possible so we could savor his 17 day leave.

The flight to Arizona had us cracking up with laughter. I’m sure it had a lot to do with the sleep deprivation but I cannot help but give credit to the people that we were lucky enough to sit by. *raises a half filled airplane cup of warm apple juice* So here is to you - Body Oder Man and Pocket-Pal Predator Weave. Our flights wouldn’t have been the same without you.



The flight going to California- well we may have been the annoying people on that one. We laughed the entire time and listened to Annie’s iPod. Annie and I arrived on Thursday morning into San Diego, we checked into our hotel, and then went straight to the Marine Base. We were in love with all of the military men and their polite manners. (I kind of want to move there –there were fine men falling out of the woodwork.)

I got to meet the mission leaders that were over the Marine base. They were the loveliest couples. They were so happy to serve and had some amazing stories about the men that changed their lives during basic training. Neal came and met us by the Marina and we had lunch that was provided by the church as we hugged and caught up on the last 3 months. We walked around base for a few hours and got more food and did a bit of shopping.

That night Annie and I went to old town San Diego and had some delicious Mexican food at Cafe Coyote. Everything was delicious. We walked around for a bit and went window shopping in some really interesting stores...were Annie got in trouble by an overly angry sales clerk as she tried on a wrestling mask.

The next morning was the graduation and we went back to the base. I cannot even express my love and pride for Neal. He is such an amazing friend. He has helped me become closer to the church, helped me trust others more, and helped me love myself. He is dependable and charming and strong. He brings laughter to my life every day. He has helped me in so many ways. I could never thank him enough for the change that he brought to my life. Watching him graduate as a Marine was such an honor. I am so proud of him.